Forgiveness is part of creating happiness in your life, but that doesn’t make it easy.

There’s no way to remove scars, erase pain, or unbreak what’s been broken. Sometimes you want to be angry, and there’s a good reason for you to feel that way.

The problem is that until you forgive, you repeatedly relive the moment in your head. And when you do, your body and emotions react like the event is happening again, which means that you’re inflicting even more damage to yourself.

By refusing to forgive, it’s your healing that you’re preventing.

Make Room for Something Better

Who did what and if the appropriate punishment was ever completed doesn’t matter when it comes to your happiness. What matters is that you let go, stop reliving the moment, and make room for healing.

The person at fault will have to deal with what they did. And frankly, they need to forgive themselves and move on, too. Without that process, how will they create a better version of themselves that adds value to the world?

The Process

  1. Let out all of your emotions and express yourself. Write a letter to or make a private recording for the person who hurt you. They’re never going to see or hear what you have to say, so fully express how you feel and say what you want about their actions, what happened, and how it impacted your happiness.
  2. Ask yourself some questions. This step is about finding a different perspective.
  • What’s the worst thing about what happened?
  • Is it possible that you were the victim but not a specific target? Is it possible that what happened was the result of something going on in the other person’s life?
  • How is holding a grudge affecting you and the other person?
  1. Forgive. Imagine yourself letting go of the anger, pain, betrayal, and other emotions that keep you stuck in a phase of remembering what happened. Feel love and gratitude for all of the positive things in your life.

And then, burn, shred, delete, or throw away the letter (or recording).

  1. Move forward. Fill the space you created with happiness, meaning, gratitude, and love.

Forgiveness is sometimes a process. When you find yourself once again thinking about a past wrong, take a deep breath, and as you blow out, imagine yourself letting it go. Purposely shift your attention to things you’re grateful for and remember that your happiness is more important than a grudge.

For more information about creating happiness in your life, visit and download my free report, “7 Ways to Be Happier.”

Also available The 7 Secrets to a Happier Life